That dirt...

You see that dirt in this picture?  The dirt right in front of us?  I still remember when we first got our wedding pictures back.... I LOVED this picture - so much symbolism with us holding hands, one foot forward heading out into our married lives.  But I HATED the dirt!  I felt like it ruined the whole picture.  

But we got married in May and while the grass was beautifully green and the tulips had already started blooming, this particular flower bed at the park was still just dirt.  I hung this picture on our fridge at our old house and for so long I wished our photographer would have found a spot with beautiful tulips or at least somewhere without the dirt.  

I smile now looking at the picture..... and you know what, I love that dirt now!  That dirt totally epitomizes our journey.  11 years later (almost 12!) and without that dirt we never would have made it to the green grass on the other side.  

  

We had no idea at the "dirt" that was waiting for us as we got ready to start our family.  We had no idea how hard it would be to walk through the dirt.  There were times when that's all we could see was the dirt.  It was at those times that we had our heads down, rather than looking up.  We were consumed by the dirt.  

Had we just lifted our heads, we would have seen the green grass in the distance.  How true has this been in my walk with God?  It is the times that I keep my head down that I get discouraged, I feel "stuck" in my current situation.  But when I lift my eyes to Him, He gives me hope.  When we dig into His Word, He shows us that He overcame the dirt to bring us new life - new life in Him.  A new life that requires us to keep our heads up, our eyes on Him.

One of my favorite verses in our infertility journey was Jeremiah 17: 7-8

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  He will be a like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

I studied this verse, I meditated on this verse.  I could do another whole blog post on this verse...

But one day, I focused on the first word - the "but" and decided to take a look at verse 5-6 to figure out the context....

"Cursed is the man who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord.  That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes.  He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, it a salt land where no one lives.:

Yikes..... sounds an awful lot like the dirt....

Today, I am praising God for using that dirt to bring us to the green grass.  I am praising God for rescuing me from that dirt, when some days it was all I could do to reach out my hand to Him and ask Him to pull me out.  

I am praising God for giving us the dirt not only that He could bring us closer to Him in it, but that He could use that dirt to bring us to where we are today.  

My plan was tulips.... my plan was genetic children of our own.... my plan seemed so much easier...

But His plan....... It was perfect!

And you see how the green grass in the first picture gets greener the further you look in the distance......

Yup, it sure does!!  God is SOOO good! 

I hung these 3 pictures on our wall so that I can remind myself daily that without the dirt, without the heartache and pain there wouldn't be the green grass.... there wouldn't be my Kennagirl and my sweet Bubbers.  

And to remind myself to keep my head up, not focused on the dirt but focused on Jesus and on His plans for me.