Just when you think you hit 11 weeks and things will be fine, they aren't. Last night was definitely the biggest roller coaster of this pregnancy so far. I was admitted to the ER after having some spontaneous heavy bleeding. It came on all of a sudden and scared me to death. I was stopping in at work when it happened, bringing daddy some dinner with Makenna. I came back from the bathroom in tears and immeditely called the on call doctor to see if I should come in. She had no good news for me and proceeded to tell me that yes, I needed to come right to the ER to get checked out.
Thankfully, we have some awesome friends that were willing to take Makenna in an instant and were praying for us. Thank you girls!!! They checked me in, ran my vitals and did a pelvic. I'll never forget the look on the NP's face as she was doing my pelvic. She had trouble finding my cervix, then when she was done she waited for the tech to leave the room before telling me and Brad that it didn't look good - she found gray tissue in my cervix that was probably the baby coming out. She handed me a box of kleenex and just stood there staring at me, almost making sure I was understanding what she was telling us. She said that they would still do an ultrasound just to be sure, but that it really didn't look promising.
I can't even tell you all the things that ran through my head in that next 45 minutes as we sat there, convinced our baby was gone and just cried. We were heartbroken, confused, devastated....
Part of me still had the littlest smidge of hope that the ultrasound would show a heartbeat. I kept repeating in my head over and over "Trust in God, Laura. Trust in God." The ultrasound tech finally came in around 8:45 and wheeled me back to the room. Brad was not allowed to come with me and she told me she really wouldn't be able to tell me what she was seeing, that I could watch the screen myself and try to figure it out, but the doctor was the one that would need to look at the report and let me know the results.
As I was searching frantically for a heartbeat on the screen, I think the tech could sense my anxiety. She didn't know what the NP had told us already & had just assumed that she was just looking for the source of the bleed. I finally told her what we had heard from the NP and she was kind enough to turn the screen towards me and show me the heart beating away & the baby moving around. Ahhh, relief!! The tech also saw that I had seen Dr Strawn and mentioned that she had an appointment with him next month. The next 45 minutes I can't even describe to you - I was able to share with this girl a bit of what we had been through. I told her about the support group that was meeting and encouraged her to go. We joked about infertilty and how much it sucks and part of me was just so releived that God could use even this crummy time in the ER to hopefully help another girl that is going through the same struggles we went through. I told her that many of my best friends are gals I've met through the support group. For any of you reading this blog that are going through infertility - find a support group. Right now. It will be the best thing you can do for yourself! I promise!! Not only that, but because she knew what we went through, she was willing to calm my fears and tell me all about the baby growing inside me - that it was measuring right on track, that the heartbeat looked good, that everything with the baby looked great - all things she wasn't really supposed to be sharing with me, but I think she knew how badly I needed to hear them. This was such a relief! We ended up exchanging info (Hi Stef if you are reading this blog!! Thank you!!) and I am really excited to see what God has planned for her!
After about 1/2 hour in I mentioned something to her about poor Brad - that he was still sitting in my room thinking the worst. She said she had just thought the same thing and was trying her best to get me back to the room in a hurry. As we got back into the room, I wanted to pretend I didn't know anything so I wouldn't get her in trouble, but I knew that if I saw a heartbeat on my own that was ok to share. She wheeled me back in and I gave Brad the thumbs up and told him I saw a heartbeat.....and that I had a new best friend;) Ha! Poor guy had gone almost 2 hours thinking we had miscarried....
So for the next 1/2 hour we sat there, so very releived that for now, baby was fine. What they did end up finding was a subchronic hemmorage. Apparently there is a small part of my placenta that did not implant on my uterine wall and there is an area here that is hemmoraging. It sounds fairly common and we are hoping it goes away on its own, but it might take awhile. I'm anxious to talk to my OB on Monday to get more information on it. I think we will need to follow up with another ultrasound in a week or so, but I will find that out on Monday when I talk to him.
For now, I am going to try not to google anytyhing and just take it easy for the next few days. I've had enough drama in the past 24 hours....
