Back in September, the night before our embryo transfer we were blessed to have nearly 20 of our closest friends and family come around us and pray over us and the upcoming embryo transfer. We had them all over to our house and as we sat around the living room, people went around and lifted us up in prayer. It was an AMAZING night - so humbling to see all these people coming together just for us. Pastor Jenny prayed that we would enjoy each day of our pregnancy - no matter what God had in store. At the time, it was a prayer of peace for me - that I wouldn't worry whether or not the embryos had latched on and decided to stick around, that I would just have peace each day and not worry about the looming pregnancy test and if the transfer was successful or not. It was a very thoughtful prayer and one that I really feel God answered as we awaited the news of our pregnancy. That first 10 day waiting period can full of anxiety and worry - trying to find a balance between hope and caution.
Having gone through a miscarriage after our first transfer, I had very mixed emotions going into the second transfer. We had a prayer night the night before our first transfer too and I left feeling like this simply had to work - that it had to be God's plan for us. I think I even prayed a prayer of thanks for my infertility - that God had really used it in my life and He had brought all these amazing people into our lives. I remember commenting that I was the ony gal in the world that had 20 people over to my house to pray over me the night before I was to get pregnant. You just don't get that when you're relying on "the old fashioned way" :)
When we found out news that we had miscarried just days after our positive pregnancy test, we were crushed. I didn't understand how this could have possibly failed. We had all those people praying over us. We had fully embraced embryo adoption and it was just such a perfect option, it had to work didn't it?
What I learned in the next few months as we grieved the loss of these babies and went through the re-matching process to find another family was that God could and would use our pain, if only we let Him. In the next few months, Rachel and I started a bible study with the ladies from our infertility support group. Its been such a privilege to walk with these women through our infertility struggles and I found that in going through this miscarriage, I was better able to relate and to really talk about the power of God in my life and what it really means to trust in Him fully. This had been a lesson He had been working hard to teach me over the past years of our infertiity struggle, but this time it took on new meaning. As healing slowly followed, I was again reminded to "enjoy each day" rather than worry too much about what would happen next.
Ironic that today, my prayers have been answered, I'm about to meet my little miracle and I have to remind myself to enjoy each day. Our doctor's appt on Thursday showed I was still just 1 cm dilated. I left a little frustrated, a little uncomfortable with my ever growing belly and wondering if I'd ever get to meet this little girl. I'm sure hormones have much to do with these feelings and I'm pretty sure every pregnant woman that gets to this point probably thinks the same thing. But yesterday morning I remembered Pastor Jenny's words - "Enjoy each day" - and slowly, my heart began to change. I have waited a long time to feel life moving around in my belly. Its one of the reasons we chose embryo adoption - so that I would be able to experience pregnancy. And yes, I may be getting a little uncomfortable and sleep is getting tougher, but I AM going to enjoy each day from here on out.
Today is "bonus" day #5 for us. The fifth day past her due date I get the honor & privilege of carrying her in my belly. She's still moving around like crazy in there, letting me know she's ok and loving the warmth and comfort I've been able to provide her. I suppose up until she went in there 10 months ago (yes, it was almost 10 months - September 5th is when I had my embryo transfer - wow!), she spent the previous 3 years frozen in a little tube and stored at a hospital. If she's waiting for a really hot day to come out, now would be the day - its almost 90 out there and a bit humid. I keep telling her that, but she's apparently just not ready. Oh well, maybe tomorrow:) 
