I can't believe it's been a whole year since I sat down and wrote you the last "dear baby boy" letter. It was the night before we met you, the night before my heart grew bigger than I ever thought possible. Little boy, you have this mama wrapped around your little finger. I'm going to be honest with you for a second....when I found out you were going to be a boy, I was a little sad. I only knew girls. I only knew big bows, lots of hair and ruffle butts. I knew princesses and playing dress up. I thought for sure I wanted more of the same. I felt so guilty for even feeling a smidge of sadness over it....especially after all we had been through. I still remember calling Ms Corie who had told me time and time again how awesome having a little boy after a little girl was and asking her to tell me just how wonderful it would be once again, hoping that it would make me ready and excited for a boy. Looking back on that phone call, I get it now. She couldn't even put into words how happy a little boy had made her. It was a different kind of love - she had a mama's boy and it made her heart so full. She kept saying there's just something about a baby boy. Well, Mr. Brooks - from the minute I laid eyes on you I found that to be so true. You are the sweetest little thing. I still remember those few special days we had in the hospital, just me and you. Daddy and sissy came and went and we had a few visitors, but mostly it was me and you time. I took a million pictures and posted way too many to social media - but you know what, I didn't want to forget a single minute. I had my boy. I didn't even know what I was missing. You are the baby I never even knew that I needed but it turns out God knew and He answered that prayer before I could even utter it.
Alex, this first year has gone by so quickly and yet so slowly at the same time. Your daddy and I are finding life with 2 kids is well, crazy. There is so much less I can get done in a day and yet I am finding there are so many fewer things that really need to get done. Things can wait. You will not be little forever. I try to remind myself of that when I start getting overwhelmed at the million things I need to get done, but I'll admit I get stressed out way more than I need to. It only takes a sweet smile from you with those big blue eyes to remind me that you are what I waited for. You are worth every tear shed over overpriced coffee. You are worth every sleepless night. You are worth every month of hope lost. You were worth the wait, baby boy. And now, the less important things in life can wait. I have a baby boy to spoil!
Alexander Brooks, in this past year you have taught your mama that she can survive with very little sleep for very long periods of time;) Despite all the smiley, silly pictures I posted on social media you were quite the little stinker for the first 4 months of life. You cried..... alot. We were hoping to avoid the word colic around here, but there is no denying it - you had it in full force. The difference with you was, when you were happy - man, you were happy. Even now - you are all or nothing. You are usually a very chill, happy little boy but when you want something, man can you scream. That would probably explain why you are still not sleeping through the night consistently. There are so many nights when you wake up and just sit up in your crib screaming - begging for your nuk or for just a taste of mama's milk to calm you back down and help you fall back to sleep. I keep trying to tell myself that I will miss it when it is gone, but I must admit I sure enjoy a few good night's sleep from time to time. But in the end, you know I wouldn't change it for anything. There's just something so sweet about being the only ones awake in a big old quiet house in the wee hours of the morning....
Bubbers, if you had a quarter for every time I've kissed your head you would be a very rich little boy.
Love,
One crazy in love mama
