My thoughts for the day.....

Ok, I’m not much for writing on this blog – but it is a blog and I think you are supposed to write on a blog from time to time vs. just posting cute baby pics:) Today I have something on my heart so I thought I’d give writing a shot. I’m not sure how many of you reading this have ever struggled with infertility or know someone who has – but it seems all of us know someone who, after trying for years and years either a) decided to adopt or b) decided to move on without having a child and subsequently became pregnant. Just today I got an email from a good friend of mine that had decided to move on after trying for years to add to her family. A few months later - she’s pregnant! I’m thrilled for her! The best part of it is – it’s a total miracle baby.

However, I know that this will just fuel the fire for the common reaction we infertiles hear too often. There is nothing worse to hear this news and have someone say to us– see you just need to relax & you will get pregnant, too. First of all, telling an infertile woman (or couple) they need to relax is placing #1 – more pressure on them and #2 – blame. Most infertile couples have a medical issue surrounding their infertility – there is a reason they are having difficulty getting pregnant and most likely, it isn’t because they can’t seem to relax. By telling them they need to just relax – you really are telling them it is their fault they aren’t getting pregnant in the first place.

Even more importantly, crediting these pregnancies to “relaxation” totally takes the credit away from God. All babies are miracles, no doubt – especially after actually experiencing pregnancy – I am amazed by the entire process. How could anyone but God come up with something like this? Its amazing. Couple that with a medical issue that makes it more difficult, if not nearly impossible to have children and wow – an even more amazing miracle! I think that in giving the parents any credit for just “relaxing” is taking credit away from God – the true giver of this gift and the one that should be thanked and praised in this all.

So next time you meet someone that opens their heart and shares their desire to have a child, please think twice about telling them the story of someone you knew that “just” adopted or “just” relaxed or “just” went on vacation and got pregnant. You may think that you are giving them hope, but trust me, you are likely doing more harm than good. The best thing you can do is pray for them – that God would be using their situation to draw them closer to Him and that, if it is His plan for them, that He would knock everyone’s socks off with the gift of a miracle baby!!