One year ago....

Little boy, one year ago you gave us the biggest scare of our lives.  One year ago, mommy and daddy were worried they lost you.  Mommy was 11 weeks pregnant, just getting past that "scary" first trimester and starting to feel comfortable that maybe, just maybe we were actually going to have a second baby the "easy way".  No, not the old fashioned way, lol, but the easy way.  I kept thinking from the day I found out I was pregnant that this was way too easy - we had one embryo.  It survived the thaw.  It implanted.  It grew.  Nothing was this easy for us when it came to building our family.... nothing.  With your sister there was the years of trying, the tests, the procedures, the first match, the failed transfer, waiting for a second match, and then finally after all those years, our prayers were answered and we were blessed with  as sweet girl.  So when we had just one frozen embryo left, I doubted it would work.  I doubted God would bless us again.  Yet when I found out I was pregnant, I remember I kept telling myself - Laura, Trust in God on this.  Proverbs 3: 4-5 had been my verse for so long - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  Seek His will in all you do and He will direct your path."

So there I sit, in the emergency room on Good Friday with your daddy - your over-worked, super stressed, end of tax season Daddy.....and after a massive amount of bleeding, the nurse practitioner did a quick exam and proceeded to tell us that we lost you and shoved a box of kleenex in my face.  I am tearing up just thinking back to that night...that horrible night when I feared that our "easy" baby was not to be, that when I had finally let my guard down and allowed myself to really start believing that you were going to join our family, our hopes came crashing down.  I cried.  And cried.  and cried.  Yet a part of me knew that I needed to keep trusting in God.  I just kept reciting over and over in my head - Trust in God, Trust in God - I don't know if I knew that you were ok or if I just got to the point in my walk with God that I knew that even if you weren't ok, God would take care of me and get me through this.  Either way, I decided to put my trust in God once again that night.  And once again, God carried us through.

They decided to do an ultrasound just to "make sure" you were gone and I'll never forget the relief I felt when my sweet ultrasound tech showed my your little heart beating away.  You stole my heart that day, buddy.  That ultrasound tech wasn't supposed to tell me what she saw, but she knew the pain of infertility and I'm pretty sure God brought us together that day (as an aside to all of you that remember that post from last year, I am happy to report that my ultrasound tech gave birth to a sweet baby boy earlier this year!).  However, your poor daddy wasn't allowed to go back to the ultrasound room with me and was still trying to figure out how in the world we were going to get through this - and especially with just 2 weeks to go in tax season!?!  I can't even imagine what was running through his mind as he tried to not only cope with losing you, but figure out how in the world he was going to run an accounting practice in his own mental state with an emotionally devastated wife (and employee) 2 weeks before the deadline.  Needless to say he was SOOOO very relieved to hear that you were just fine.

Little boy, we love you more than you will ever know..... and if you EVER decide to scare us like that again, you are grounded for life!  Ha! Ha!