Sunrise

This morning I woke up bright and early (courtesy of Alex of course - thank you daylight savings time) to the most beautiful sunrise out our hallway window.  It was the prettiest shades of red and yellow and it was one of those moments you look out and can't help but praise God for it's beauty.  I wandered down to Alex's room, nursed him for a few minutes and by the time I got back down the hallway the sun was up, the colors had all been eaten up by the bright sun and morning was here.  I hoped to take a picture so I could use it for this blog post that has been swirling around in my head but it was too late - the pretty colors were gone and the picture would have never done the sunrise justice.

As I sit here typing I realize that this perfectly epitomizes the blog post I've had in my head the last few days.  You see, lately I've realized that these are the best days of my life - my kids are at such fun ages.  Makenna is finally through the three-nage years and having less and less meltdowns (don't worry they are still there) and is such a silly little 4 year old.   I'm pretty sure Alex is the cutest kid I've ever met and his little personality matches it.

But just like that sunrise, in a blink they will grow up. And no matter how many pictures I try to take to capture the moments, they just won't do them justice.

I taped and edited this video last night of him learning to walk.  I'm going to be honest I think I watched it 25 times and my smile got bigger each time.  It reminds me of a commercial - one that in my infertile years would have made me cry like a baby.  THIS is what I wanted.  These are the memories I wanted to make.  And last night it hit me as I watched it over and over - this IS my life now.  And yes, it is SO hard sometimes to juggle being a mom and a wife and then throw in working 3/4 time for your husband's firm and well - it just gets a little crazy sometimes.  But you know what, I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING.  I love my life.  I love it.  This is what I prayed for and God has answered those prayers in AMAZING ways.  I am living in the beauty of His sunrise.....right NOW. His mercies are new every day.  He makes the difficult times - the BIG ones like infertility AND the little ones - like your 4 year old waking you up at 5:30am even though you are SO not ready to start your day - absolutely beautiful.  But I know that the sunrise will be gone too soon.  I'll turn around and they'll both be in school, the house will be empty and quiet.

So in the meantime I will take way too many pictures.....I will record way too many videos in the hopes that I can actually freeze time.  I will try to cherish every day.  I will work to praise God and give him the glory for this life He has given me.  I know these days will go by too fast.    And I know the next stages will be a different type of rewarding, but these are the days that I love and these are the days that I want to hold on to forever.

Yesterday I woke up first to Alex so very excited to see me he was jumping up and down in his crib with the biggest smile on his face.  I was tempted to get out my phone to get a picture of it but decided not to ruin the moment (because we all know that as soon as I got out my phone, he would have tried to reach for it and not only would the great picture been not so great anymore but the child would have been in tears at my "no" response to him getting my phone).

I jumped in the shower to be "interrupted" by Makenna coming in and out of the bathroom several times bringing me "presents".   I know what a feat writing MOM is for a 4 year old - she asks me to spell things and I quickly spell them out, quickly remembering that each letter takes some time.  I need to tell her one letter at a time and very slowly.  So to see several notes with "MOM" written on them, I know took her a little time.  And as I sat there soaking wet when I jumped out, it hit me again - I was a mom.  These little moments I had dreamed about were here.  Yes, it meant an uninterrupted shower and Makenna getting up too early (yup, that darn daylight savings time again) which resulted in meltdown city when I tried to get her dressed for church but you know what, I'll take it.  I am a mom.  And it was sooooo worth the wait.   I do love that the first little present she brought me was her little snowflake bear - when she got it (in a happy meal) we both got so excited it had little snowflakes all over it and it has always been kind of a special bear to her.  What a perfect little present from her:)

I'm pretty sure Brad realizes this too, because while we never really talk about it, the man measures everything in life in "dad cost" - if I do this, how much time am I sacrificing with my kids?  What is the "dad cost"?  He's gone out of his way to make it home from work in time for dinner every night, he loves playing with the kids, it's just been such a great season.  I often sit at the dinner table and just want someone to come and take a picture of our whole family sitting there so I don't forget - Makenna getting up every 2 minutes to pick a new song on You Tube, Daddy belting out the latest Veggie Tales song, Alex just smiling and laughing at it all - yelling every few minutes (I'm pretty sure he thinks he is singing along).   Don't get me wrong - on good days I remember to take it all in.  On most days I am still yelling at Makenna every 2 minutes to get back in her seat and eat her dinner.  And most days I can't shovel the food in Alex's mouth fast enough or get it on his tray fast enough so he ends up being a big fuss by the end of dinner.  But you know what, I'll take it.  Because these days are my beautiful sunrise.

Part of getting this all out and on paper is to remind ME that I need to embrace each day.  Yes, I am a typical woman and there are always things I know I should be doing a better job at - I should eat better, work out, spend more time taking care of me, keep the house cleaner, cook more, bake more, the list goes on.  But you know what, the only things that matter are spending time with God, spending time with my husband and spending time with my kids.  These really are the best days of my life.

So for today, I am going to enjoy that sunrise....especially since my sitter has sick kids and I'm "stuck" home with Alex today.  And I'm going to keep taking a million pictures and videos so that I never forget the sunrise.  As Makenna and I like to say..... "Thank you Jesus for the BEAUTIFUL day!"