9 years ago....

I was reminiscing the other day about the journey God has me on and how much I learned about Him in our infertility journey and how cool it is to be on the "other side" of those struggles.  It's amazing how much you can learn from God in the hard times and how looking back you can see that even when we struggle, He is always faithful and never leaves our side.  It gives me hope as new struggles come into my life that God can and will use this for His glory, if only I let Him.  There are days when that is SO hard, but then there are days when you can really feel the Holy Spirit living and moving in you.  That's another blog post for another day.....

Anyway, I came across some pictures and the speech I gave that sunny day in August on the shores of Lake Michigan 9 years ago and thought they were worth posting so I'd always have them on here......

True story - I was SOOOO nervous to get up in front of our church and my friends & family and share this.  A friend had made me a bead bracelet the night before and told me it was to give me courage to get up there and speak.  That morning I got up & put on my "courage" bracelet and it broke into a million pieces!!  

Turns out the Holy Spirit was just trying to teach me that He was willing to give me all the courage I needed....

And after getting up in front of our church this day, I was asked to do the same 3 more times to share parts of our infertility struggles and how God was working in and through them and then again when I was pregnant with Makenna to share His faithfulness.  What a blessing to be able to share these things with our church family!

It was SUCH a beautiful day

This was the perfect place for me to get baptized.  Lake Michigan was always the place I would run to to find God - I loved walking along the beach, people watching and sitting by the shore watching the waves crash in.  I remember going there in college, in my single days after college and with Brad once we started dating.  When I found out my church was going to do baptisms there, I knew I needed to do it!

Here's my "story" I read to the church that day.....

While I have known about Jesus my entire life, it is within the past few years that I have really come to know who He is and what role he plays in my life here on earth and the life eternal in heaven. From childhood on, I was fortunate enough to have exposure to the life and ministry of Jesus. I was raised in a religious family – attended church every Sunday and was brought up with strong morals & values. This provided an important background that I tried to build on my entire life. Yet I always felt there was some piece of the puzzle missing – like there was something I wasn’t getting. You see – in my mind, I had believed my good works would get me into heaven.

I saw my relationship with God as a “drive” down the highway on the road to heaven. One in which there were certainly bumps along the way, but for the most part, I paid the required tolls by doing good deeds, asked for directions by praying to God and, as far as I was concerned, I was headed in the right direction.

Growing up, I prayed often, but it was always the same childish prayer, rarely ever a real discussion with God. After high school, I came to Milwaukee to go to school at Marquette. I still remember my senior year of high school, while going through the confirmation process, becoming aware of the fact that my faith was missing something, but didn’t know what. I assumed this bump in the road would pass, thinking that once I went away to college, I’d figure out this whole faith thing. I would have plenty of opportunities there to develop some sort of relationship with God.

But college came and went, and my relationship with God stayed the same. I went to church fairly regularly, prayed when I needed something and even went on a religious retreat, hoping my relationship with God would develop. It may have for awhile, but soon after, things returned to normal. Sure I continued to ask for directions and pay my tolls, but our relationship wasn’t getting very far. I was set on “cruise control.”

After college, I moved back home for a summer and went through some difficult times in my life. It was during these times I felt I needed God the most; that I really started to open my eyes to God. I remember telling myself that God had a plan and that I needed to trust in Him and everything would be ok. As Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and He shall direct your path.” During that time, I remembered these words, and my relationship with God started to open up. My foot was on the accelerator and on my journey with God had sped up, or so I thought.

Once I returned to Milwaukee to start work in the fall, my relationship with God continued to grow. I was talking with God more than ever before. I was going to church and listening, really listening for any hidden message the scriptures might hold for me each Sunday but there still seemed to be something missing. Soon after, things picked up in life. I made several new friends at work, through whom I soon met Brad. Ironically, as a result of all these blessings he had bestowed upon me, I started to forget about him. I made less of an effort to continue talking with God.

Soon after meeting Brad, we were driving downtown one Sunday night and were just seconds away from being hit by a speeding car that ran a red light. For me, the incident came and went & I didn’t think much of it – a close call and nothing else. But that incident struck a cord with Brad that night.

That next day, Brad asked me if we had died that night if I thought I would be in heaven. I said yes – that I was a good person – didn’t sin much and obeyed God. After all, good works got you into heaven, right? Well, so I thought.

Little did I know that that event in our lives would lead me to finally understanding what it was that was missing in my own relationship with God. Soon after the near-accident, Brad began doing bible study with a colleague at work that reintroduced him to the idea of grace. He would bring up what he learned to me every once in awhile and my reaction was similar every time, how is this different from what I believe?? I believe in God. I have faith. I do good deeds. I pray. What am I missing? I lived a good life. I was a nice person, for the most part. Over time, this incident forced me to challenge the idea of good works as a means to salvation.

After several late night talks with Brad, I began to discover what grace really was. My good works in themselves are not enough to get me into heaven. It was starting to make sense. For if I could earn my way into heaven, why did Jesus have to die on the cross?

After reading Galatians 2:21, everything sort of clicked. “For if we could be saved by keeping the law, then there was no need for Christ to die.” I now realize that in my drive with Christ up to this point, I had been reading the wrong map. My map told me my journey would be filled with opportunities to do good works and in doing each good work along the way, I would get closer and closer to heaven, when in fact the map he had laid out for me took me in quite a different direction.

In my map, I thought I needed to pay tolls along the way if I wanted to continue. On his map, however, I noticed there were no tolls required. You see on his map, He had paid all the tolls for me. This was grace. He had died for me, so that my journey to heaven was possible. And all I needed to do was believe this and live my life for Him – to follow Him.

I now see that while my relationship with God had matured over the years, I was still far short of truly understanding God’s grace and presence in my life and of pursuing any type of meaningful relationship with Him. I believed in Jesus, but never really knew Jesus and the price he paid for my salvation in dying on the cross. In my mind, doing good deeds was going to save me.

I now realize my good works are not a means to salvation, but rather an act of appreciation and gratefulness for the salvation he has already given me. My good works are an opportunity for me to profess my faith in him – to show through my actions that I have chosen to follow him & to encourage others to follow him as well.

How ironic that it took a near car accident for Brad and in time, me, to discover I that I had the wrong map. Not only that, but in my “drive” with God up to this point, I had neglected to use the “compass” he had given me in the bible.

Today, I know how important that “compass” is in pointing me in the right direction. My focus now is on following God – and what better tool than His word to help direct my path. Since I have made the decision to accept God’s grace in my life instead of rely on my own good works, I have a new desire to read the bible – to study it and find out what purpose God has for me. I have a new desire to do good works – to thank him for the gift of salvation and to be an example to those around me just as Jesus’ disciples were.

Today, I want to be baptized before Metrobrook church as a symbol of my new life in Christ. Over the past year, Metrobrook has been the “gas station” I so desperately needed to keep me filled up in my drive. It has been the answer to so many of my prayers for friendship, fellowship and guidance. Today, I choose to follow Him.

I now realize that while I may not be very far down that highway I call my relationship with God, my tolls have been paid, my tank is full thanks to many of you, I am utilizing the compass He has provided and God is by my side.