The bench

I've always been one that's felt closest to God in nature.  I still remember when I lived closer to the lake in St. Francis, I'd take bike rides down to the lake and just sit and look out over Lake Michigan, praying for many things in life - family, friends, a spouse someday, career, you name it.  I've always gravitated towards water, in particular, when times get tough.  Through our years of infertility, I went through a period where I spent a lot of time connecting with God sitting on this bench at McCarty park, overlooking the big pond that's there.  I have this image of etched in my mind of me sitting on the bench, clutching my bible, tears rolling down my face, begging God for a baby.  I remember watching the mommy duck and her little ducklings swimming behind her, wanting so desperately for little ducklings of my own. 

When we got our diagnosis and found out our chances of having a biological child were slim to none, Brad and I came here, walked on the path around the pond, holding hands and just crying.  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  April 16th, 2008.  Tax season had just ended.  It was supposed to be a doctor's appointment that gave us hope and new direction.  Instead we felt our hearts ripped from our chests.  So we walked.  We held hands.  We cried.  We searched for answers.  And in the coming weeks and months, I would come back to this bench.  I would sit here.  I would pray for God's direction and guidance.

I was sitting on this bench the day Becky, the leader of the infertility support group I had sought out, called me back giving me details on their first meeting.  What an amazing answer to prayer that group of ladies turned out to be!!  Looking back, God was answering prayers right as I sat on that very bench in bringing me to these women.  Its how I eventually met Rachel.

In the early stages of choosing embryo adoption, I walked around this park with my friend Jamie, talking about how excited I was to have this option and what a perfect fit it was for us! 

Its been awhile since I've been back to the pond.  When Ben and Corie suggested getting some one year pics here, I teared up thinking of going back to that bench with my little girl, the answer to those prayers.  God has been so good to us.  We are so incredibly blessed with His perfect plan and His perfect timing.  For those of you reading this that are still waiting, know that He is good.  Its so easy to doubt that when your heart is broken, but hopefully stories like ours give you hope. 

Thank you, God, for knocking my socks off with your answer to my prayers.  Thank you for not abandoning me when all I could do was scream and yell at you for withholding your blessings from me.  Thank you for the work you've done in me and through me in this wait for a baby.  Thank you for holding me when all I could do is kneel before you and sob.  Thank you for this bench and this pond and for using it to draw me near to you.  Thank you for Makenna.